From my experience, when you bring home baby number one, you’re pretty much reacting to everything that gets thrown your way as you learn how to be a mama, how to simultaneously be a wife, friend, sister, etc.; and how to still be you. It can take a little time to come out of the “fog” that sleep deprivation, feeling like a bum, healing (let’s not pass this huge part by…), and hormones all create.
Now, I know most people don’t go from 1 to 3 kids, but many go from 1-2, and it takes some adjusting! (If you’re new here, I had twins in April of 2021.) I am hoping something in this post will help you if you’re in that boat right now. I felt like after the twins, there was no time or even the opportunity to heal, bond, cuddle, or breathe like there was after my daughter was born. I now had three children, three and under…and I didn’t have the luxury of a nanny. Side note: I was able to layer on some help for a few hours a week come month 6 which I am grateful for.
It was as if life didn’t even pause for one second when the boys got here, but rather sped up. There was no time to pump the breaks or play the “I just had a baby card”. (Where do you get one of those anyway? ๐ ) I can still remember taking my daughter to the strawberry field the week after the boys were born, because I was so desperate for time with just her. I remember putting her back in the car, and thinking, “Did I really just have two other babies?” And then two weeks after the boys were born, taking my daughter to an appointment- just walking in like I didn’t just push out two babies. It blows my mind when I think about it. The point of me sharing that is not to get any sympathy, but rather to describe that fact life.didn’t.stop. How many of you feel me on this? The transition from 1 to 2 (or 3?!!) was very different for me than going from 0 to 1 which was seamless.
No one was coming to rescue me…although I also never felt I needed rescuing. I desperately needed a nap though. Or maybe more than 45 minutes of consecutive sleep, HA! I know now that I needed time to allow my brain to process things. I knew I was the girl for the job. God appointed me, and I firmly believe that and that is all the oomph I needed, really. (Ok, and I also needed the oomph iced coffee provided if we’re being totally transparent.)
So, in efforts to steer my (my family’s) ship and make the most of my days, I started jotting down things that went well and things that really rocked our world. Yes, twins are an entirely different dynamic in regards to well, everything, BUT, I think some rhythms I added to my days/weeks might help some other mamas who just need to make a few small tweaks in order to create a little more JOY (and less chaos?) in their days with their babies–hence the motivation behind this post.
If you’re *in the fog* or will be soon…or if you’re needing to make some changes to your household flow and don’t know where to start, here’s what worked for me. I’ve also added in some of my best purchases too that helped during this season. You can also read how I adjusted my daily household chores and routines here.
1. How I started my day affected the day just in itself.
Making sure I washed my face, did my regular skin care routine, and brushed my hair to go back nicely in my top knot or headband (or both!), helped my overall mood!
Changing out of my jammies and into clean sweats or leggings helped too. Yes, you’re still bumming it in this season, but that’s ok. You can still try to feel better by putting on clean sweats or your “good” sweats. I also have really tried to make sure the bed was made. It is true what they say-it’s a small accomplishment that has the biggest impact!
2. Managing the laundry
The laundry for a family of 5 with twins and the dad that works out daily (hello, stinky gym clothes) means there is so much laundry all the time. I started throwing in a load of laundry each morning as part of my routine when I woke up. When the boys would go down for their first nap of the day, I would switch the clothes to the dryer. During their next nap, I would quickly fold them. After a few days of making this part of the daily routine, the laundry was so fast to fold and not daunting at all.
3. Managing activities for my older Little
I could write for days about the mom guilt when your first born is in the room wanting to play and you’re feeding the baby(ies) or just plain exhausted. Each time I would feed the boys, I would have my daughter grab a book to read. While the bottles were in the bottle warmers, that was her time to go book “shop” for us. While I fed the babies, I would read the story to her. She was in charge of turning the pages, and it worked great! She got some Mommy time and attention, I got some Mommy-daughter time, and of course then there’s all the benefits that reading out loud bring.
Another thing that helped was each Sunday I would prep a few activities that my daughter could complete independently while I was feeding/busy with the boys. I had at least four days worth of activities, all organized by the day of the week. You can find my daily bin labels as a free download in my Resource Library, and read more about how I like to prep for the week by clicking here. You might be thinking, um how? With what energy? My husband would gladly hold down the fort for 30 minutes while I organized myself on Sundays. The return on investment of spending 30 minutes-ish time prepping for the week was huge!
4. Wrangling in dinner-dilemmas
I noticed after month two that if we waited to have dinner, the evening was tough. For example, let’s say I didn’t feel like eating what was already planned or what was in the refrigerator. Or maybe we had a frozen meal ready, but I didn’t defrost it in time. Or maybe we planned to order through DoorDash or takeout and the wait time was long. You’ve all been there whether you have kids or not! Making dinner more of a priority, and having it earlier really helped us.
The boys’ witching hour (IYKYK) has always been 4-6. (I’m also wiped entertaining all 3 by 5:00.) The longer it took for dinner, the longer the witching “hour” lasted. I started making sure dinner was ready by 5:45/6:00. If we were sitting down eating by then, I knew the night would be much less stressful. Why? Because then it wasn’t a mad dash of dinner, dishes, bath, bed, bottles, cleaning up, etc. The entire household felt less stressful, and my daughter could play with Daddy who she missed all day. She also still got her bedtime story or episode of Bluey on the iPad in bed without the tears from “No, it’s too late, just go to bed”. (As if she understood that ๐ ) No, our chores weren’t done by bedtime (an old expectation I held onto for awhile…), but we were able to leave the dishes some nights or wait to prep the bottles for the next day until after we got everybody to bed without feeling stressed or angry that it was so late before being up all night with the boys. This way our focus was more on the people in our household and not all.the.chores that needed to be completed each and every night in order to start the next day successfully. An earlier/set time for dinner allowed us to have playtime with every little one.
With that in mind, I starting using the 4:00 hour as my kitchen hour. This was the time of day when I would wash all the bottles from the day. At one point, there would be 12 bottles (with their four pieces per bottle) waiting on me by 4:00. I would prep anything I could for dinner. My daughter would color or paint or even do some math at the kitchen table. No TV was on (I am normally on noise overload by this point in the day anyway). Sometimes I would put on music though. Calm music. Let’s not get crazy.
I created a Busy Bin for my daughter in the kitchen that had all sorts of fun things for her in there, specifically reserved for this time of day. By the way, I need to write an entire post on Busy Bins…adding to list now!
5. Establishing device boundaries
The last thing that really has helped me was learning boundaries with my phone. That sounds so bizarre typing that out. When things would get hard, tiring, mundane, I noticed I would find myself on Instagram, Pinterest, or on another text thread…none of those things were bad, but it did add more stimulation to an already stimulated mama. I started using the Do Not Disturb controls on my phone during our hardest parts of our day to keep me focused on who and what was in front of me. This typically meant 5-7:30 each night.
This also will not surprise you, but I always have a few projects going at once; and sometimes (most times) I am constantly thinking of things I want to research, price, purchase, or plan out. I started keeping an open notebook on the counter and when I would have an idea of something I needed to research, price out, purchase, plan for, etc., I write it on the notepad. When I have a second that’s uninterrupted, that is when I go back to the notepad and go to town on my phone or computer. This really has helped me prioritize all the ideas that are constantly swirling in my head and those things that are needing my immediate attention (usually right in front of me).
Most-used and appreciated purchases
When typing this post, it really made me also think about what tangible things have helped me in this post-partum season, so I’ve rounded them all up for you below. If you’re looking for baby things, you won’t find it below-what I’m sharing is all for mamas. As always, I only share what I personally own and love.
- ZSupply dress– I have worn this on repeat! It was great 3/4 seasons of this past year paired with a jean jacket or cardigan.
- Caudalie eye cream– All hail eye cream, right? This is by far my favorite ever-and I have tried A LOT. It has a metal tip that you can use to help apply it by pressing it into your skin, and it feels so good on tired eyes. I’m sure this packaging is what makes the price tag a little more $$, but hey, it makes me feel good.
- Headbands– I own a TON of these! And when that post-partum hair growth/re-growth kicks in, these headbands (because of their width) are perfect! They also help you feel put together ๐
- Becca Under eye brightener– This is great to help brighten your dark circles, and it can be applied with your fingertips. If you’re going barefaced, this is simple thing you can do to boost your mood with your overall appearance.
- Heated neck wrap– I used this more than I thought I would have! From all the nursing, feeding, cradling, slouching…sleeping wherever/whenever—>your neck and your shoulders will hurt! This has been so wonderful! It is fragrance free, and you simply heat it up in the microwave.
- Aerin lip conditioner– This has become my go-to instead of regular lip balm. It has a “nude” color which is really just the tiniest color of pink, and it moisturizes so well. It has a rose fragrance which is so subtle and refreshing to me. I loved being able to throw it on without the mess of lip gloss, especially when I’m not wearing makeup (which is most days ๐ ).
- Abercrombie sweatshirt– I have the AE sweatshirts you all probably have and these are by far superior! These are so, so soft and comfortable, and cover my tummy and bottom #score.
- Weekly planner– This is the homebase for our household! I use this pad (it’s pretty big) to map out all of our activities and meals each week. I love the amount of space it has and have grown to love its jumbo size.
- Olaplex hair bond perfecter– I didn’t feel that I needed this after my first pregnancy, but after my second, wow! My hair needed some TLC! This has been a weekly treat I do for myself…when I remember! It has really helped with all the hair tugging from both boys and while I adjust to the hormonal changes of hair loss and regrowth.
- Fanny pack/belt bag– The days of carrying a shoulder bag are gone for a little bit right now! However, I don’t always find it convenient to be digging in my diaper bag to find my phone and wallet when out and about with the kids. I love my belt bag and have used it in multiple situations including Target, the playground, walking on the beach, etc. MUCH needed!
All of these things-both tangible and intangible-have helped me during the last ten months of post-partum life with an older child in tow. I hope some of these can help you as well if you’re entering this season or if you’re right in the thick of it! It helps to relate to someone who’s been there recently too. You got this, Mama!
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Bridget says
I feel this so hard. Even the pregnancy was different the second time around! You sort of just jump back in and try to get right to it because there’s stuff to be done and people that have needs. I didn’t get to lounge in bed with the new baby and memorize his ever changing face, like I did with my first. I constantly feel like if I’m spending time with one I’m neglecting everyone else, and also it’s not fair that babies 2 and after will never get my full attention the way my first did. It seems everyone needs something at the exact same time, including the dog, and right when I need to use the bathroom. Uninterrupted time of any duration is an exquisite luxury. But at the same time, some things are so easy because you already have confidence and experience from doing it all the first time around.
Also, don’t recommend potty training while postpartum. It’s quite challenging.
Katie, you are such a Rockstar, I can imagine juggling twins with a preschooler. You’re doing a great job, Mama!
There is more chaos, but there is also more love. And every challenge is beyond worth it ๐